Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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