I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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