The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
