My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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