ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
