I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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