I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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