Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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