it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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