i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
