Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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