Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
