i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
