dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
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Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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