I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
