he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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