I just saw a hot homeless man
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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