Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
