I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i came on her dog
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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