I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pants are for mortals
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
