i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
