I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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