False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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