Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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