So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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