I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
