He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found puke in my bra..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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