Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
