I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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