Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish I could punch you in the face.

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  (313): I wish I could punch you in the face. http://tfl.nu/jewc
  Replies (4) Good night (1567) Bad night (728)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

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  (651): Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women? http://tfl.nu/yufj
  Replies (23) Good night (2439) Bad night (1263)
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  (585): View more from New York

  he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him

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  (585): he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him http://tfl.nu/zn8x
  Replies (22) Good night (623) Bad night (2922)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.

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  (201): and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate. http://tfl.nu/09wt
  Replies (34) Good night (3884) Bad night (711)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...

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  (515): So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated... http://tfl.nu/hpsb
  Replies (15) Good night (1312) Bad night (4806)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.

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  (816): I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen. http://tfl.nu/atwf
  Replies (10) Good night (3206) Bad night (1178)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

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  (910): He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work. http://tfl.nu/wbkv
  Replies (18) Good night (5970) Bad night (1430)
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  (916): View more from California

  You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.

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  (916): You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest. http://tfl.nu/46jw
  Replies (6) Good night (4092) Bad night (1286)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.

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  (908): He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca. http://tfl.nu/7ojr
  Replies (6) Good night (3593) Bad night (1232)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.

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  (314): Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes. http://tfl.nu/vcgn
  Replies (2) Good night (1591) Bad night (705)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face

  (1-312): View more from Illinois

  he seemed brazillian..

  (312): View more from Illinois

  fuck.

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  (312): I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face (1-312): he seemed brazillian.. (312): fuck. http://tfl.nu/np08
  Replies (2) Good night (476) Bad night (628)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing

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  (518): The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing http://tfl.nu/1ex1
  Replies (3) Good night (875) Bad night (366)
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  (530): View more from California

  It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.

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  (530): It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite. http://tfl.nu/ndu2
  Replies (10) Good night (382) Bad night (1087)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.

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  (941): I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back. http://tfl.nu/tgpi
  Replies (1) Good night (272) Bad night (432)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.

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  (515): I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future. http://tfl.nu/062y
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (207)

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