Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.

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  (858): ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me. http://tfl.nu/yno6
  Replies (4) Good night (2597) Bad night (864)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

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  (615): New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs http://tfl.nu/ycoz
  Replies (29) Good night (6483) Bad night (756)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

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  (208): The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?" http://tfl.nu/toa2
  Replies (17) Good night (8067) Bad night (1883)
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  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

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  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10751) Bad night (1457)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.

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  (479): By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo. http://tfl.nu/nmdz
  Replies (9) Good night (2280) Bad night (939)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.

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  (859): She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times. http://tfl.nu/xxc1
  Replies (8) Good night (1316) Bad night (3711)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.

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  (318): Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks. http://tfl.nu/1pi3
  Replies (5) Good night (2610) Bad night (971)
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  (949): View more from California

  am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?

  (415): View more from California

  i thought you knew

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  (949): am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy? (415): i thought you knew http://tfl.nu/8kec
  Replies (4) Good night (1987) Bad night (821)
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  (310): View more from California

  I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues

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  (310): I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues http://tfl.nu/j2av
  Replies (4) Good night (1221) Bad night (771)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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  (314): also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!! http://tfl.nu/6chb
  Replies (17) Good night (1366) Bad night (680)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

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  (321): She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess. http://tfl.nu/6wvy
  Replies (14) Good night (797) Bad night (2201)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.

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  (402): Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop. http://tfl.nu/dwia
  Replies (2) Good night (551) Bad night (307)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids

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  (414): And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids http://tfl.nu/86i1
  Replies (2) Good night (613) Bad night (324)
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  (530): View more from California

  FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood

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  (530): FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood http://tfl.nu/brn4
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (494)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.

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  (+44): The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar. http://tfl.nu/70b2
  Replies (6) Good night (389) Bad night (1111)

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