filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
