:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen