Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart

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  (512): a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart http://tfl.nu/j66q
  Replies (30) Good night (547) Bad night (2736)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??

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  (856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray?? http://tfl.nu/zh2p
  Replies (36) Good night (1095) Bad night (3993)
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  (315): View more from New York

  dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

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  (315): dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you http://tfl.nu/n46y
  Replies (13) Good night (5403) Bad night (1201)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

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  (312): I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy http://tfl.nu/tu8r
  Replies (7) Good night (2824) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.

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  (402): She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking. http://tfl.nu/91x5
  Replies (17) Good night (1831) Bad night (5446)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.

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  (253): In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me. http://tfl.nu/mf2b
  Replies (11) Good night (2942) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.

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  (513): you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore. http://tfl.nu/8tgi
  Replies (8) Good night (2622) Bad night (572)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified

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  (603): More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified http://tfl.nu/si7g
  Replies (5) Good night (1481) Bad night (565)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea

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  (406): K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/3xax
  Replies (9) Good night (745) Bad night (1112)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.

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  (202): He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left. http://tfl.nu/yd2u
  Replies (8) Good night (309) Bad night (1211)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.

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  (701): Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard. http://tfl.nu/ybia
  Replies (17) Good night (2441) Bad night (421)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!

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  (907): I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st! http://tfl.nu/87p8
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.

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  (701): Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client. http://tfl.nu/dueq
  Replies (6) Good night (1562) Bad night (340)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.

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  (508): Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life. http://tfl.nu/dd0r
  Replies (3) Good night (540) Bad night (175)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library

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  (949): I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library http://tfl.nu/jhv7
  Replies (3) Good night (499) Bad night (184)

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