I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
