I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
