We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
