using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He did a backflip because drugs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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