god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
