just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i drank out of a bidet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
