i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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