my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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