Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
