I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
