I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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