I am puke
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
