He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
