The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
