Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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