I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think my moral compass just broke
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
