My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
where are my eyebrows?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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