your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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