i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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