we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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