i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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