we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
