if you like me you must not know who I am
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
