I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How naked do you want me to be?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
