this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
