Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
