Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
