Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my vag is so smooth its legendary
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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