wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
