My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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