so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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