when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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