What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
